authenticity – Beyond the Breath Online Magazine

The graceful exit.

01/11/2024 No Comments

I published this anonymously in 2020, I’m now able to share this as myself.

Today I have spent the day working out how to gracefully exit this life. No food or drink has passed my lips. I know that starvation is a long and drawn-out way to exit, so that is not my graceful plan, it’s just that my throat feels closed and my breath is shallow and often held at the bottom of the exhale, as if I am willing myself to not take the next breath.

And in this disconnected state, I joined my breathwork facilitator training (camera off) as scheduled this evening, not because I wanted to, but because there was a guest speaker I admire greatly. I’m not going to mention his name, because I am probably misquoting him below and that wouldn’t be a fair reflection on him. It’s just that he spoke to my heart. Or maybe in oneness he really did tune in and speak my heart. But of course, I heard what I needed to hear, not necessarily what he said and in my fragile state they could be two very different things, so again anonymity is best!

I have wondered for some time about the concept of ‘doing the work’ and expecting to see the benefits in the map of your life. Work for reward. I suppose it feeds into my mother wound of ‘you don’t get anything without hard work’ ‘worthiness (and love) come from good behaviour’ ‘doing it right’ ‘following the rules’ ‘doing the work’, and yet, I have struggled through the weeds and the brambles of doing the right thing, many times, and the rewards appear limited and the struggle endless. The work to reward ratio unfair.

Deeper than that thought of fairness, the concept itself does not feel right. Work for Reward. From a human perspective if I have it, whatever it is, my daughter is welcome to it … all. So why is ‘the universal law’ so different?

On reflection, it feels exactly like the edge I was on when I walked away from a very indoctrinated and fully lived experience of born-again religion, the deep knowing that it wasn’t right as I saw the bible through the eyes of hierarchy, of patriarchy, of the suppression of humanness. The control – like scales removed from my eyes. But at the same time, I miss the certainty. In the beginning was the word.

Inside I am screaming, please help me, I do not want to throw the ‘spiritual’ baby out with the bathwater, again. There must be a way!

My recent inner guidance, whenever I listen, is simply to trust. Thus the ‘doing’, where I am most comfortable is at an all-time low. Self-work/exploration forms a good proportion of what I do with my days and whilst the big picture dream of my path feels so real to me that I could indeed be in the mystery of pregnancy, creating that dream, it is not possible to financially birth this sizable dream from my current activity. Then in other corners of life where that funding might have come forth, the recent twists and turns render my immediate landscape not only barren but dangerous.

I suppose this could be another wandering the desert moment, this time crying out ‘Gaia, Gaia, why have you forsaken me?’ another open wound, ‘trust of the hierarchy’ ‘greater good’ ‘truth’ but there is a wrongness there too. If wholeness is my intention, then that includes the age of Pisces, and patriarchy and control. That includes work for rewards, service for reward, lack and drought and death. But it also includes receiving and nectar and sweetness and plentiful abundance. How long is the winter? Is summer only on offer if you follow the rules? Where is the point of integrity?

With this unarticulated story resting in my body I listened, or rather I heard these 4 points of wisdom from the guest speaker.

“You can only hold space for people to the depths you are prepared to go in your own grief. As you do the work within yourself, by witnessing and allowing the grace and wisdom of the body to release the armour and then the trauma, you become able and silently transmit that ability to those who are drawn to you. And then as you continue to hear your body speaking, are you prepared to witness, to observe and inquire but not fix – yourself? To allow the wisdom of your body, our ancient ways to do that work for you. Even to leave the armour in place until it is body wise to remove it for healing and witnessing in a graceful way?”

“Can you be humble enough to have the wisdom of an elder, and perhaps not achieve results because the time is not right for you, for your client? Or can you serve greatly with incredible results without recognition? Maybe even without thanks? And should you need these things, can you simply notice that this is self-work you need to address at some point, with grace?”

“Can you be so human, so extremely human in your existence, that you are divine?”

“The white man’s way of ceremony [with plant medicine] is to use it for a result, a goal, or intention, even if that goal is simply an experience. The primary ceremony is life. Can you live life as a sacred ceremony, as opposed to practicing ceremony for a while?”

Can I live life as a ceremony?

Wanting to the leave this world is not a new thing for me, I won’t say it’s a daily battle, but it is ever present. As is the drive or knowing that there is more to life than I am currently experiencing. What is new though is the knowledge that I can no longer go back. I can’t return to the society or parental prescribed normal as I have previously done. Pushing my exploration of spirituality until I break it, then jumping back into the world of traditional work until I become so dissatisfied and shrivelled inside that I explore my spirituality again, and on the circle goes. My ex-husband once asked me when would I be satisfied with my good enough career, my nice enough house, golf on Sunday and gardeners world on Friday? I ask myself the same. Why is that not enough? Why was that never enough? What is driving this inner search?

My partner now has dreams that are even bigger than mine, I sometimes think we facilitate each other in the ‘opportunity and potential’ to make a difference and live a huge life madness and that at some point, one of us needs to be sensible and ‘do the right thing’. Then as I shrink inside again, and I go back to searching for the graceful exit. It’s not financial or material (although that is included), it’s path and purpose and impact.

The last time I seriously researched taking my life, I convinced myself that I stopped because of my daughter, because of the trauma she would feel, but her beautiful heart cannot be my anchor. My own connection to my life force must be strong enough to want to stay. But really, is my disconnected self brave enough to act? And in that space, there is honesty, a rawness and a choice.

So, this time as the wheel turns again … Can I be so very human that I become divine? Can I live life itself as if it were a ceremony? In that ceremony, can I find balance and integrity between surviving, thriving and a path of impact and service? Can I choose to stay in the centred space in the middle of the chaos where there is innate peace, free from the tether of outcome?

The journey with this continues. The inner wound that encourages me to leave is quieter, but I suspect will always be there. I recently revisited my Soul Plan and was reminded about my worldly challenge and my spiritual talent, both the same energy, the two sides of the same coin. You can pop over to my website to learn more about the Soul Plan, suffice to say, all the above questions stem in part from that energetic inquiry of my soul, the question and the answer both contained within. The outcome, a continued journey, not an exit or a destination.

PS – I’ve used my own image in this post. Somehow it didn’t feel right to sit behind anything less personal xx

Sharyn-With-A-Why

To find out more about Sharyn, take a look at her profile in Practitioners Corner

In Breath and Emotions

Sensitivity and the Breath:

28/10/2024 No Comments

Discovering the Strength in Feeling Deeply.

“Through the breath, we find our way back to ourselves – to the wisdom that whispers within, to the strength that lives in our sensitivity, and to the profound truth that we are enough, just as we are.”
— Lottie Evans

For much of my life, I felt like a stranger in my own body. I was out of tune with myself, with my emotions, and with the quiet whispers of my soul. Like many sensitive souls, I learned to mask my true nature, burying my sensitivity under layers of distraction, denial, and numbness. Society taught me that sensitivity is synonymous with weakness, that feeling deeply is something to be “fixed,” and that the way forward was to toughen up, to become someone I was not.

However, the more I tried to escape my sensitivity, the more disconnected, anxious, and overwhelmed I became. Caught in a cycle of self-criticism, I tried to erase parts of myself that were, in fact, my truest essence. My sensitivity, the very thing I sought to deny, called me back time and again, whispering, “Listen.”

It wasn’t until I discovered the breath – the simple, profound act of breathing with awareness – that I began to reconnect with my body and embrace my true nature.

Our breath is one of the most beautiful tools we possess, a constant companion throughout our lives. Yet, how often do we truly pay attention to it? How often do we notice the rhythm, depth, and texture of our breath as it moves through us?

For years, I breathed without thought, taking each inhale and exhale for granted. When I began to focus on my breath – to truly notice it – something incredible happened. I discovered that breath is not merely a physiological process; it is a gateway, a bridge between the body and the mind, the conscious and the unconscious.

By tuning into my breath, I began to hear my body’s wisdom, feel the emotions I had suppressed, and explore my inner landscape. The breath became my tool for understanding energy, soothing myself in moments of overwhelm, and finding clarity amidst confusion.

Through this journey with breath, I began to see my sensitivity as a gift rather than a burden. Sensitivity is not weakness; it is the profound ability to feel deeply, sense the subtleties of life, and connect with others on an emotional level. It is a strength, a superpower that allows us to live fully and experience the richness of being human.

For too long, I believed that being sensitive made me fragile and that my emotions were burdens to be managed or controlled. The breath taught me otherwise. It showed me that sensitivity, when embraced, is a source of wisdom, creativity, and deep connection.

The breath serves as an ally in helping us harness our sensitivity and acknowledge it as a strength.

The breath brings us back into our bodies. When we are sensitive, we often pick up on various external stimuli and can lose touch with our needs and feelings. The breath grounds us, reminding us to check in with ourselves. It allows us to notice where we hold tension, discomfort, or ease, fostering a direct conversation with our bodies.

Sensitivity often accompanies a highly active mind, constantly processing and analysing. When overwhelmed by thoughts or emotions, breath can anchor us. By focusing on the rhythm of inhale and exhale, we settle our minds, creating calm amidst chaos. Deep, slow breathing sends signals to our nervous system that it is safe to relax and be present.

Our breath is intricately connected to our energy. Shallow breathing restricts the flow of energy in our bodies, while deep, full breathing allows it to move freely. The breath helps us tune into our energetic state, guiding us to notice where we feel depleted or vibrant. By working with the breath, we can balance our energy, nourish ourselves, and ground ourselves when scattered.

For me, discovering the breath was like finding a hidden key to myself. It was a way back to my true nature, a way to listen to the parts I had tried to ignore. Through the breath, I learned that I don’t need to fight my sensitivity or change it. Instead, I need to embrace and honour it as my guide.
Sensitivity is not something to be “fixed.” It is a gift, allowing us to feel deeply, connect authentically, create passionately, and love fully. It is a source of strength, resilience, and empathy that can guide us through life’s challenges.

If you’ve ever felt that your sensitivity is a burden or tried to hide your emotions, I invite you to return to the breath. Let it be your guide. Start by taking a few moments each day to breathe with awareness. Notice the rise and fall of your chest, the cool air entering your nostrils, and the warmth as it leaves. Feel the rhythm of life connecting you to something greater. In this simple act, you honour the fullness of who you are.

Our sensitivity is a gift, and the breath is one of the most beautiful tools we have to harness it. Through breath, we learn to listen to our bodies, soothe our minds, understand our energy, and embrace our true nature.

Let’s stop seeing sensitivity as something to hide. Instead, let’s acknowledge it as the profound strength it is. Let’s use the breath to connect more deeply with ourselves, find peace in the present moment, and live with greater authenticity, compassion, and love.

Because when we breathe with awareness, we return home to ourselves – and in that space, everything is possible.

Remember, you are not alone on this path. Together, we can transform our sensitivity into our greatest strength, breathing life into our true selves, and celebrating the beauty of feeling deeply.

Naturally Lottie – Your HSP Hype Girl

To find out more about Lottie, take a look at her profile in Practitioners Corner

In Practitioner's Corner

Carly Killen – Strong Bones Coach

02/12/2001 No Comments

Where did you complete your training (or where are you still in training)?

Breathing Space Facilitator in training (I’m more than half way through the course and graduation requirement)

What do you enjoy about breathwork and how has it helped you?

What I enjoy most about breathwork is its simplicity and accessibility. It’s a tool we always have with us, and yet it holds the potential to unlock so much transformation.

Breathwork has helped me in ways I didn’t even know I needed. It’s allowed me to find calm in the chaos of everyday life, uncover and release limiting beliefs, and connect with my authentic self beneath the layers of conditioning and expectation from others I’ve picked up over the years.

Breathwork continues to teach me to trust my inner knowing. I’m slowly but surely releasing the need to constantly seek external validation, as I build a deeper sense of self-trust through.

And what’s most amazing is that facilitating for others doesn’t drain me—it restores me. Every session leaves me feeling rejuvenated and reminded of the power of following what feels aligned to me.

Are you trained in any other modalities?

Yes, I’m trained in a few other things…

Registered Dietitian
Certified Menopause Support Coach
Strength Coach
MSc in Innovation in Healthcare

How do they integrate with breathwork?

Each modality I’m trained in works together to form a holistic approach that adapts to the unique needs of my clients at every step of their journey.

Breathwork serves as the foundation that ties it all together. It supports clients in navigating the roadblocks that leave so many feeling stuck; whether that’s emotional overwhelm, self-doubt, or physical challenges. By integrating breathwork within my work, I help clients reconnect with their inner wisdom, overcome obstacles, and take aligned steps toward growth and transformation.

What is your personal journey?

I spent much of my life in the fast lane, believing my worth was tied to how much I could achieve and how many boxes I could tick.

This mindset led to multiple episodes of burnout and forced me to confront the way I was living.

After a lifetime of battling with my body due to severe asthma, mental health struggles, repeated hospital admissions and the constant pressure to conform to societal body image ideals. These experiences left me drained and living to please others, often at the expense of my own well-being.

My introduction to breathwork felt like a coincidence at first, but looking back, I see it as a moment of inner guidance. I began with smaller practices like pranayama, and eventually followed my curiosity to try a deeper breathwork session on my own. The experience was intense and it opened my eyes to the incredible value of having a trained facilitator to hold space for me.

This realisation sparked my journey to explore breathwork further and eventually train as a facilitator myself.

Since then, breathwork has been a catalyst for profound transformation. It’s helped me release the battle I had with my body, embrace a more compassionate relationship with myself, whilst finding ease and flow in my life.

I’ve learned that growth doesn’t have to come from constant striving, it can emerge from a place of safety, self-acceptance, and trust in my own inner knowing.

What do you stand for, and what do you stand against?

What I Stand For:
I stand for authenticity, growth, and helping others use their true nature as a catalyst for meaningful change. I believe in creating safe, supportive spaces where people can reconnect with their inner knowing, reclaim their sovereignty, and live in alignment with their true selves.

What I Stand Against:
I stand against the pressures of perfectionism and the idea that growth must come from constant striving. True transformation doesn’t require burnout, it can emerge from safety, self-acceptance, and ease.

What is your greatest wish for your clients

My greatest wish for my clients is that they rediscover the power within themselves, that they realise they already have everything they need to grow, heal, and create a life that feels true to them.

I want them to feel empowered to trust their inner knowing, embrace their unique nature, and live in alignment with what matters most to them.

I also hope they learn that transformation doesn’t have to come from striving or struggle but can emerge from a place of ease, flow, and self-acceptance. My wish is for every client to walk away feeling confident in their ability to navigate life’s challenges and create a deep sense of trust and stability within themselves.

My Bio

Carly Killen is a breathwork facilitator in training, registered dietitian, certified menopause support and strength coach. Carly takes a holistic approach to well-being, combining her experience in physical health, emotional resilience through menopause transition to help clients reconnect with themselves and create meaningful change.

Guided by the values of authenticity, growth, and creating safe spaces, Carly empowers her clients to overcome roadblocks and navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and confidence. Breathwork lies at the heart of her practice, serving as a powerful tool to help clients release limiting beliefs, build self-trust, and live in alignment with their true selves.

Carly’s philosophy is simple: You have everything you need. Through her work, she helps clients rediscover the power within themselves, embracing transformation from a place of safety, self-acceptance, and ease.

Discover yourself – one breath at a time

Contact Details

website :- https://carlykillen.com
facebook :- https://www.facebook.com/CarlyKillenPT/
instagram :- https://www.instagram.com/thestrongbonescoach/
podcast :- https://podfollow.com/the-strong-bones-coach-podcast

In Practitioner's Corner

Tavisha, vis-à-vis

26/07/2000 No Comments

What is your personal journey?

I am a mystic that has completed that journey and so now I am looking into being more myself which means living a life according to preference, all things considered and included. I realized a while ago that life is a series of experiences, though the past can change, that ultimately repeats the pattern of desire and fulfilment. Knowing this, I am quite excited to continue discovering what seeds exist within me and are ready to bloom into my lived-reality.

What do you enjoy about breathwork and how has it helped you?

What I enjoy the most is that it is a point of connection with others and with myself. It has helped me travel the inside of my body as though I am made of mountains and valleys. What I ultimately love about the breath is that it allows me to exist and what I love most about watching it is that it brings me to new places within me that I didn’t know existed.

Where did you complete your training (or where are you still in training)?

My name is Tavisha Shummoogum and I have not completed any training towards becoming a breathwork facilitator.

What do you stand for, and what do you stand against?

I stand for truth simply because I like what feels true. I stand against holding myself fixed where I am when the natural call to action is no longer to pause and enjoy but to move forward. I love and appreciate every view along the way, but there is more to discover, more to live, more to enjoy, therefore, every now and then, I am magnetically drawn into continuing forward with curiosity, into the next, into the new, into the mystery. Put more simply, I stand against not moving forward when that moment of tension from staying rises up. And I’d like to clarify that the action of moving forward for me is allowing the desire to come up and out from within rather than suppressing it by ignoring it. This allowance also tends to result in me being repositioned deeper within myself which is always interesting (because what else is there to know??).

What is your greatest wish for your clients

I no longer work in a field where I have clients, so I’ll casually switch the word to fans since that is the world I am walking into. My greatest wish for them is that they live a life they deserve which means a life that constantly puts them in state of awe and wonder. It means a life that renders them speechless before they can even begin to explain it. It means a life that holds them in such a way that they have no doubt they are the precious point of existence.

My Bio

What am I? I am someone who is curious enough to let life reflect me to me. More specifically, I am someone who has noticed that all of existence blooms inside my heart for me to then live a reality that can surprise me with discovery of what started within and exists without. It leads me to this awareness that all things are connected and a newfound desire to let life evidence this.

Contact Details

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tavisha.sh/
X: https://x.com/tavisha_
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tavisha.sh

In Practitioner's Corner

Tim Johnson is fine and dandy, thank you

18/07/2000 No Comments

What do you enjoy about breathwork and how has it helped you?

Breathing is our most primeval instinct, without it we would not exist. I reference many times the energy created by our breath, how this relates to the Universe, planet earth, the tides, the waves, the cycle of day night day, these are all elements of breathing. I really enjoy the fact conscious breathing helps me to connect to the planet and keeps me rooted.
When I teach tai chi, the first thing we do is to gauge our respiratory rate, to gain a sense of how the day is treating us, whether any stress or agitation has crept into our bodies. If it has, that person can reference this during the class and allow them to focus on their breathing before each exercise.
Gaining the knowledge of breath work has enabled not just me, but the people I work with to gain an insight as to how our breathing can change how we feel, how it can empower us and balance us.

Where did you complete your training (or where are you still in training)?

I am a Buteyko & Oxygen Advantage breathing instructor having studied with Patrick McKeown

Breathing Space – Mentor – I already run my business as a breath work facilitator, I am on the second year of the course, however, as we say in tai chi, I am a fool who knows nothing and will approach the Breathing Space course with the wide open eyes of the child.

Are you trained in any other modalities?

From a breath work perspective, only Buteyko & Oxygen Advantage, I am also a wellbeing coach with Dr Claire McGuire at Raw Horizons Academy and have been studying and teaching tai chi & qigong for the past 20 years.

How do they integrate with breathwork?

This is the holistic approach which runs through everything and everybody I work with. It goes back to the values of simplicity, compassion and balance. How do we achieve those and how does that make us feel. The key to life is breathing, it is where everything begins and how we build a foundation strong enough to withstand the travails of our lives. I find it impossible to envisage teaching wellbeing or tai chi without involving breath work. It would be like teaching tai chi or wellbeing without the why. It can be done, however, it leaves an emptiness.

What is your personal journey?

For many years, I created an artifice, well several actually, creating a mask to be liked, to be seen to do what’s right, to be able to fit in, when I didn’t feel that I did.
This began to change when I began to study tai chi.
After a couple of months I found myself getting to the bottom of the steps to enter where we were holding the class and not being able to go in. This lasted several weeks and initially I could not understand as to why this was happening.
After considerable thought, which of it itself was hard work, as I tended to gloss over introspection, I came to the conclusion that the tai chi classes and the philosophy of Taoism was forcing me to look at myself. I did not like what I saw and realised I had to make a decision. If I carried on, I would have to embrace everything, or I could stop and carry on with how I was and more importantly how I was feeling. As I was a fairly new Dad, I did not want to pass on those neuroses to my son and in a very flippant way, the tai chi was less expensive than seeking therapeutic help. So I decided tai chi was the moonlit pathway to follow. This led me to wellbeing and to the fundamentals of breathing. Whilst I still felt out of step with the role I had in the corporate world I found myself in, I was able to work releasing my real personality and thoughts, very slowly and found myself helping more and more my clients within the company with their mindset and more particularly their breathing.
This eventually gave me the strength to leave that world and stride out into the living breathing world of which I now feel so much part of, along, of course, with the residual ephemeral imposter syndrome trails still saying hello every now and again.

What do you stand for, and what do you stand against?

The values of my company are the values of myself, which are, simplicity, compassion and balance. I have only ever so slightly pinched and adapted these from the Tao the Ching by Lao Tzu. The change being patience from Mr Tzu to compassion from me. They help to remind me everyday how I should be and how I wish the world could be. I feel they create a solid foundation from which to live, work and be.

As for what I stand against? Ultimately authoritarianism in all its forms, whether politically or religious. I fail to see how people and societies are able to grow and flourish when the ego’s of man are constantly behind motives.

What is your greatest wish for your clients

To see them progress and to empower them to see what they are capable of. I work with some very vulnerable people, who have been very severely reduced in their sense of capability. Working with them to slowly unpick these strictures is profoundly gratifying, as you can physically see the difference they are able to make within themselves. There are sometimes bouts of giddy delight from them and me when barriers have been knocked over. Ultimately if I can leave a client in a better state than when we started, then that is a wish fulfilled.

Contact Details

website :- www.i-qi-coaching.com

facebook :- @i-Qi-coaching

instagram :- @iqicoaching

linkedin :- Tim Johnson

tiktok :- @tim.johnson173